I’m looking for a man who will watch dozens of mediocre festival screeners with me.

I just woke up because the other girl in our duplex has people over and they are boxing shirtless on our front deck. At 3 in the morning.

Nice things people said to me today:

  • I love your hair. Does it take a lot of work?
  • Last time I was in here you made me some drink, I don’t remember what it was, but it was delicious!
  • You are just all dimples, aren’t you?

I live in this apartment that they’re trying to sell, so every few weeks the realtor comes to show the house and before he comes I frantically turn my room from a cluttered moldy war zone to a tidy monk’s chambers.

  • Apparently this is weird and normal people don’t clean their room every time the landlord visits? But most people probably aren’t slobs.
  • It’s funny how I can clean my room in 45 minutes to make sure my landlord still likes me but I have taken several months to move out of my room in my mom’s house EVEN THOUGH the fact that it’s still not clean is actively destroying our relationship.
  • It’s funny how I have so many clothes in my laundry basket AND so many clothes in my closet AND I still have nothing to wear BUT I really don’t want to get rid of any of it because what if I go through another phase where I only want to wear ugly little boy sweaters??
  • Sometimes I wonder if I should clean up a little less so the house doesn’t sell.
  • Sometimes I just get so sad because I love this house and my roommate wants to move to Oaxaca someday and then I’ll have to find somewhere else to live.
SAME QUESTION, GO. SAME QUESTION, GO. SAME QUESTION, GO. SAME QUESTION, GO.

Turns out The Secret Life of Bees is Ender’s Game for old people, in that they cannot resist telling you how great it is and how much you’ll love it.

npr:

theweekmagazine:

The complete guide to cooking eggs every which way
You’ve had scrambled eggs. You’ve had poached eggs. But have you had poached-scrambled eggs?

Poached-scrambled eggs? Tell me more… — Lauren 
npr:

theweekmagazine:

The complete guide to cooking eggs every which way
You’ve had scrambled eggs. You’ve had poached eggs. But have you had poached-scrambled eggs?

Poached-scrambled eggs? Tell me more… — Lauren 
npr:

theweekmagazine:

The complete guide to cooking eggs every which way
You’ve had scrambled eggs. You’ve had poached eggs. But have you had poached-scrambled eggs?

Poached-scrambled eggs? Tell me more… — Lauren 

npr:

theweekmagazine:

The complete guide to cooking eggs every which way

You’ve had scrambled eggs. You’ve had poached eggs. But have you had poached-scrambled eggs?

Poached-scrambled eggs? Tell me more… — Lauren 

DID YOU KNOW THAT THE GUTENBERG BIBLE IS ALSO KNOWN AS “B42”?

Please tell me there’s a christian rock band out there called The B-42s.

I literally got a sunburn from sitting in the Savemart parking lot, listening to NPR with the windows rolled down.

I was working at the coffee shop yesterday, and this hot shot producer who I know through the film festival came in. When she figured out who I was she looked at my apron, aghast, and said “what are YOU doing HERE?” And it made me feel very weird and judged.

Ugh what kind of GoT episode was that, literally no major characters died and there were ZERO graphic sex scenes.

farmweather:

Ginger’s girl and boy at day 1 of life.

This older guy who is friends with my pseudo-stalker asked me out today and my response was literally “um….I feel like that would be super weird.”